Friday Night ACA Meeting - Facilitator Script
Welcome to "Our Stories Heal," a group of Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families, My name is _______ and I am the designated leader for tonight's meeting.
We came to ACA for a variety of reasons, often because of relationship or workplace issues. We realized that we received damaging and dismissive messages as children such as: "don't talk," "don't trust," "don't feel," "you're not enough," "always be strong," "do more," and "be perfect."
We were shamed by parents or other caretakers who were emotionally unavailable. Shame blinds us to the love that is inside each of us waiting to be discovered.* At ACA, we gather in a non-shaming way to share our experiences, insights, humor, and hope in recovery. Join us as we open doors to the inner child and the true self.
Will you please join me in a moment of silence followed by The Serenity Prayer.
Before we continue, are there members who are new to ACA? Please raise your hand in order that we may welcome you.
(Facilitator: Say the following only if new members are present:) Welcome to ACA. You just took the most difficult step of the program---you showed up. We hope this will be a safe place for you. Would ACA members whose life has improved since they have been in the program raise their hands? ACA works.
We have newcomer's literature. You are under no obligation to speak but feel free to share when it is your turn.
(Facilitator: Ask someone to read the Laundry List or Problem if newcomers present or if you think the group desires a review.)
Who would like to read?
We will now read the actions that help a person recover, AKA The Solution to the Problem. May I have a volunteer to read the Solution?
The Solution: The solution is to become you own loving parent. As ACA becomes a safe place for you, you will find freedom to express all the hurts and fears that you have kept inside and to free yourself from the shame and blame that are carry-overs from the past. You will become an adult who is imprisoned no longer by childhood reactions. You will recover the child within you, learning to love and accept yourself.
The healing begins when we risk moving out of isolation. Feelings and buried memories will return. By gradually releasing the burden of unexpressed grief, we slowly move out of the past. We learn to re-parent ourselves with gentleness, humor, love, and respect.
This process allows us to see our biological parents as the instruments of our existence. Our actual parent is a Higher Power whom some of us choose to call God. Although we had alcoholic or dysfunctional parents, our Higher Power gave us the Twelve Steps of Recovery.
This is the action and work that heals us: we use the Steps; we use the Meetings; we use the telephone, we use the blog and other forms of interactive dialogue. We share our experience, strength, and hope with each other. We learn to restructure our impaired thinking one day at a time. When we release our parents from responsibility for our actions today, we become free to make healthful decisions as actors, not reactors. We progress from hurting, to healing, to helping. We awaken to a sense of wholeness we never knew was possible.
We become emotionally sober. Emotional sobriety involves a changed relationship with self and others. We measure emotional sobriety by the level of honesty, mutual respect, and the acceptability of feelings in our relationships. Emotional sobriety means that we are involved in changed relationships that are safe and honest. We feel a nearness to our Higher Power. We cultivate emotional sobriety through the Twelve Steps and through association with other recovering adult children.**
By attending these meetings on a regular basis, you will come to see parental alcoholism or family dysfunction for what it is: a disease that infected you as a child and continues to affect you as an adult. You will learn to keep the focus on yourself in the here and now. You will take responsibility for your own life and supply your own parenting.
You will not do this alone. Look around you and you will see others who know how you feel. We will love and encourage you no matter what. We ask you to accept us just as we accept you.
This is a spiritual program based on action coming from love. We are sure that as the love grows inside you, you will see beautiful changes in all your relationships, especially with God, yourself, and your parents.
*****
We will now read the 12-steps and the tradition of the month, followed by the 12th tradition. (Even numbered days, ACA's Twelve steps, Odd numbered days, Tony A's 12 steps.) Who would like to read the steps? Who would like to read the tradition of the month and the 12th tradition?
Safe Place: We want this meeting be a safe place. What you hear at this meeting should remain at this meeting. We do not talk about another person's story or experiences to other people. Please respect the anonymity of those you see here tonight.
In ACA, we do not cross talk. Cross talk means interrupting, referring to, or commenting on what another person has said during the meeting. We refrain from cross talk because Adult Children came from family backgrounds where feelings and perceptions were judged as wrong or defective. In ACA, each person may share feelings and perceptions without fear of judgment. We accept without comment what others say because it is TRUE FOR THEM. We work toward taking responsibility for our own lives, rather than giving advice to others.
In ACA, we do not touch, hug, or attempt to comfort others when they become emotional during a meeting. If someone begins to cry, we allow that person to feel without interruption. To touch or hug or offer tissues interrupts someone's process. We support one another by listening and accepting the feelings that arise.
(Facilitator Has Four Choices)
A) Introduce a topic by telling a bit of one's own story. Script to go something like this: I want to tell you a little bit about my story. Afterward, I will pick a topic for discussion.. The topic I would like for us to talk about is this: _________. You can talk about this topic or anything else you would like to talk about. Or you may pass.
B) Read a meditation from the meditation book, selecting a topic for dialogue. Script goes something like this: I will read from__________and comment on it. Then we will go around and share what comes up for us or whatever else you would like to share. Or you may pass.
C) Read a selection from the Red Book and reflect upon it. Script goes something like this: I have selected a portion of the red book to read from. Please follow along if you would like. Then we will go around and share what comes up for us or whatever else you would like to share. Or you may pass.
D) Read a selection from the Steps Workbook and reflect upon it. Script goes something like this: Tonight I want to read from the 12 Steps Workbook. Please follow along if you would care to. I will comment first and you can respond in any way that you like on the subject or on anything else that you would like to speak about. Or you may pass.
Facilitator then chooses how sharing will take place. Choices include: A) Going around the circle in order. B) Allowing people to share when they are so moved, popcorn style. C) Splitting the group, by numbering off. D) Tagging the next person.
We will start sharing by: eg., going around the circle to the left. Since we want to give everyone a chance to share and also be able to close on time, each person needs to keep their sharing to x minutes. At 8:20, we will break for announcements and begin the closing by reading the ACA Promises.
(Calculate the time remaining. Divide by number of people present. Encourage the time rule by letting people know that the person has 1 minute left for share time. This can be done quite gently by holding up an index finger for the person sharing to see.)
Who wants to start? (If no one jumps in, consider being willing to begin sharing or wait.)
Closing: At approximately 8:15, consider saying: Is there any person who would like to share but did not get a chance to do so?
At approximately 8:20 or 8:25, say:
That is all the time we have for sharing. Now we need to observe the 7th tradition which states that "Every ACA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions."
Are there any ACA announcements? Our next business meeting will be held on ______________. It will be brief, lasting 15 minutes. You can submit agenda items to the blog or to Melanie or Colleen. You can read and retrieve agenda items from the blog as well.
Let us now read the ACA Promises. (Optional?) Would someone volunteer to read the Promises?
We will close our meeting with our final prayer based on the Promise of the Month.
January: Higher Power, help us discover real identities by learning to love and accept ourselves.
February: Higher Power, help us strengthen our self-esteem as we give ourselves approval on a daily basis.
March: Higher Power, help us release our fear of authority figures. Help us release the need to "people-please.
April: Higher Power, help us grow inside us our ability to share intimacy.
May: Higher Power, help us face our abandonment issues. Help us become attracted by strengths and become more tolerant of weaknesses.
June: Higher Power, help us enjoy feeling stable, peaceful, and financially secure.
July: Higher Power, help us learn to play and have fun in our lives.
August: Higher Power, help us choose to love people who can love and be responsible for themselves.
September: Higher Power, help us come to know the ease of setting healthy boundaries and limits.
October: Higher Power, help us come to know that, as we intuitively make healthier choices, fear of failure and success will leave us.
November: Higher Power, help us slowly release our dysfunctional behaviors with help from our ACA support group.
December: Higher Power, help us learn to expect the best and get it.
*ACA 12-step Workbook, pg. 82.
**ACA 12-step Workbook, Introduction---What Does ACA Recovery Look Like?
Prospective script and format written by Melanie and Colleen, August, 2011, to be voted on for adoption at September meeting by group members.
Welcome to "Our Stories Heal," a group of Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families, My name is _______ and I am the designated leader for tonight's meeting.
We came to ACA for a variety of reasons, often because of relationship or workplace issues. We realized that we received damaging and dismissive messages as children such as: "don't talk," "don't trust," "don't feel," "you're not enough," "always be strong," "do more," and "be perfect."
We were shamed by parents or other caretakers who were emotionally unavailable. Shame blinds us to the love that is inside each of us waiting to be discovered.* At ACA, we gather in a non-shaming way to share our experiences, insights, humor, and hope in recovery. Join us as we open doors to the inner child and the true self.
Will you please join me in a moment of silence followed by The Serenity Prayer.
Before we continue, are there members who are new to ACA? Please raise your hand in order that we may welcome you.
(Facilitator: Say the following only if new members are present:) Welcome to ACA. You just took the most difficult step of the program---you showed up. We hope this will be a safe place for you. Would ACA members whose life has improved since they have been in the program raise their hands? ACA works.
We have newcomer's literature. You are under no obligation to speak but feel free to share when it is your turn.
(Facilitator: Ask someone to read the Laundry List or Problem if newcomers present or if you think the group desires a review.)
Who would like to read?
We will now read the actions that help a person recover, AKA The Solution to the Problem. May I have a volunteer to read the Solution?
The Solution: The solution is to become you own loving parent. As ACA becomes a safe place for you, you will find freedom to express all the hurts and fears that you have kept inside and to free yourself from the shame and blame that are carry-overs from the past. You will become an adult who is imprisoned no longer by childhood reactions. You will recover the child within you, learning to love and accept yourself.
The healing begins when we risk moving out of isolation. Feelings and buried memories will return. By gradually releasing the burden of unexpressed grief, we slowly move out of the past. We learn to re-parent ourselves with gentleness, humor, love, and respect.
This process allows us to see our biological parents as the instruments of our existence. Our actual parent is a Higher Power whom some of us choose to call God. Although we had alcoholic or dysfunctional parents, our Higher Power gave us the Twelve Steps of Recovery.
This is the action and work that heals us: we use the Steps; we use the Meetings; we use the telephone, we use the blog and other forms of interactive dialogue. We share our experience, strength, and hope with each other. We learn to restructure our impaired thinking one day at a time. When we release our parents from responsibility for our actions today, we become free to make healthful decisions as actors, not reactors. We progress from hurting, to healing, to helping. We awaken to a sense of wholeness we never knew was possible.
We become emotionally sober. Emotional sobriety involves a changed relationship with self and others. We measure emotional sobriety by the level of honesty, mutual respect, and the acceptability of feelings in our relationships. Emotional sobriety means that we are involved in changed relationships that are safe and honest. We feel a nearness to our Higher Power. We cultivate emotional sobriety through the Twelve Steps and through association with other recovering adult children.**
By attending these meetings on a regular basis, you will come to see parental alcoholism or family dysfunction for what it is: a disease that infected you as a child and continues to affect you as an adult. You will learn to keep the focus on yourself in the here and now. You will take responsibility for your own life and supply your own parenting.
You will not do this alone. Look around you and you will see others who know how you feel. We will love and encourage you no matter what. We ask you to accept us just as we accept you.
This is a spiritual program based on action coming from love. We are sure that as the love grows inside you, you will see beautiful changes in all your relationships, especially with God, yourself, and your parents.
*****
We will now read the 12-steps and the tradition of the month, followed by the 12th tradition. (Even numbered days, ACA's Twelve steps, Odd numbered days, Tony A's 12 steps.) Who would like to read the steps? Who would like to read the tradition of the month and the 12th tradition?
Safe Place: We want this meeting be a safe place. What you hear at this meeting should remain at this meeting. We do not talk about another person's story or experiences to other people. Please respect the anonymity of those you see here tonight.
In ACA, we do not cross talk. Cross talk means interrupting, referring to, or commenting on what another person has said during the meeting. We refrain from cross talk because Adult Children came from family backgrounds where feelings and perceptions were judged as wrong or defective. In ACA, each person may share feelings and perceptions without fear of judgment. We accept without comment what others say because it is TRUE FOR THEM. We work toward taking responsibility for our own lives, rather than giving advice to others.
In ACA, we do not touch, hug, or attempt to comfort others when they become emotional during a meeting. If someone begins to cry, we allow that person to feel without interruption. To touch or hug or offer tissues interrupts someone's process. We support one another by listening and accepting the feelings that arise.
(Facilitator Has Four Choices)
A) Introduce a topic by telling a bit of one's own story. Script to go something like this: I want to tell you a little bit about my story. Afterward, I will pick a topic for discussion.. The topic I would like for us to talk about is this: _________. You can talk about this topic or anything else you would like to talk about. Or you may pass.
B) Read a meditation from the meditation book, selecting a topic for dialogue. Script goes something like this: I will read from__________and comment on it. Then we will go around and share what comes up for us or whatever else you would like to share. Or you may pass.
C) Read a selection from the Red Book and reflect upon it. Script goes something like this: I have selected a portion of the red book to read from. Please follow along if you would like. Then we will go around and share what comes up for us or whatever else you would like to share. Or you may pass.
D) Read a selection from the Steps Workbook and reflect upon it. Script goes something like this: Tonight I want to read from the 12 Steps Workbook. Please follow along if you would care to. I will comment first and you can respond in any way that you like on the subject or on anything else that you would like to speak about. Or you may pass.
Facilitator then chooses how sharing will take place. Choices include: A) Going around the circle in order. B) Allowing people to share when they are so moved, popcorn style. C) Splitting the group, by numbering off. D) Tagging the next person.
We will start sharing by: eg., going around the circle to the left. Since we want to give everyone a chance to share and also be able to close on time, each person needs to keep their sharing to x minutes. At 8:20, we will break for announcements and begin the closing by reading the ACA Promises.
(Calculate the time remaining. Divide by number of people present. Encourage the time rule by letting people know that the person has 1 minute left for share time. This can be done quite gently by holding up an index finger for the person sharing to see.)
Who wants to start? (If no one jumps in, consider being willing to begin sharing or wait.)
Closing: At approximately 8:15, consider saying: Is there any person who would like to share but did not get a chance to do so?
At approximately 8:20 or 8:25, say:
That is all the time we have for sharing. Now we need to observe the 7th tradition which states that "Every ACA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions."
Are there any ACA announcements? Our next business meeting will be held on ______________. It will be brief, lasting 15 minutes. You can submit agenda items to the blog or to Melanie or Colleen. You can read and retrieve agenda items from the blog as well.
Let us now read the ACA Promises. (Optional?) Would someone volunteer to read the Promises?
We will close our meeting with our final prayer based on the Promise of the Month.
January: Higher Power, help us discover real identities by learning to love and accept ourselves.
February: Higher Power, help us strengthen our self-esteem as we give ourselves approval on a daily basis.
March: Higher Power, help us release our fear of authority figures. Help us release the need to "people-please.
April: Higher Power, help us grow inside us our ability to share intimacy.
May: Higher Power, help us face our abandonment issues. Help us become attracted by strengths and become more tolerant of weaknesses.
June: Higher Power, help us enjoy feeling stable, peaceful, and financially secure.
July: Higher Power, help us learn to play and have fun in our lives.
August: Higher Power, help us choose to love people who can love and be responsible for themselves.
September: Higher Power, help us come to know the ease of setting healthy boundaries and limits.
October: Higher Power, help us come to know that, as we intuitively make healthier choices, fear of failure and success will leave us.
November: Higher Power, help us slowly release our dysfunctional behaviors with help from our ACA support group.
December: Higher Power, help us learn to expect the best and get it.
*ACA 12-step Workbook, pg. 82.
**ACA 12-step Workbook, Introduction---What Does ACA Recovery Look Like?
Prospective script and format written by Melanie and Colleen, August, 2011, to be voted on for adoption at September meeting by group members.
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