Welcome to the "Our Stories Heal" speaker meeting of ACA. We meet to share our experiences as children growing up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional home. We find freedom from the damaging effects of our childhoods by practicing the 12 steps and 12 traditions, attending meetings, and accepting the help of a personal Higher Power.
Would you help me open this meeting with a moment of silence followed by the Serenity Prayer?
Would you help me open this meeting with a moment of silence followed by the Serenity Prayer?
God, grant me the serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
The format of this meeting is as follows:
Using this literature, we go around the room, each reading a section or paragraph. Before reading, we introduce ourselves using our first name only.
I will start, my name is __________________ and I already read my paragraph. I will pass.
The format of this meeting is as follows:
Using this literature, we go around the room, each reading a section or paragraph. Before reading, we introduce ourselves using our first name only.
I will start, my name is __________________ and I already read my paragraph. I will pass.
The PROBLEM
Many of us found that we had several characteristics in common as a result of being brought up in alcoholic or other dysfunctional households.
We had come to feel isolated, and uneasy with other people, especially authority figures. To protect ourselves, we became people pleasers, even though we lost our own identities in the process. All the same we would mistake any personal criticism as a threat.
We either became alcoholics ourselves, married them, or both. Failing that, we found other compulsive personalities, such as a workaholic, to fulfill our sick need for abandonment.
We lived life from the standpoint of victims. Having an over developed sense of responsibility; we preferred to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. We got guilt feelings when we trusted ourselves, giving in to others. We became reactors rather than actors, letting others take the initiative.
We were dependent personalities, terrified of abandonment, willing to do almost anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to be abandoned emotionally. We keep choosing insecure relationships because they matched our childhood relationship with alcoholic or dysfunctional parents.
These symptoms of the family disease of alcoholism or other dysfunction made us 'co-victims', those who take on the characteristics of the disease without necessarily ever taking a drink. We learned to keep our feelings down as children and keep them buried as adults. As a result of this conditioning, we often confused love with pity, tending to love those we could rescue.
Even more self-defeating, we became addicted to excitement in all our affairs, preferring constant upset to workable solutions. This is a description, not an indictment.
The SOLUTION
The solution is to become your own loving parent . As ACA becomes a safe place for you, you will find freedom to express all the hurts and fears that you have kept inside and to free yourself from the shame and blame that are carry-overs from the past. You will become an adult who is imprisoned no longer by childhood reactions. You will recover the child within you, learning to love and accept yourself.
The healing begins when we risk moving out of isolation. Feelings and buried memories will return. By gradually releasing the burden of unexpressed grief, we slowly move out of the past. We learn to re-parent ourselves with gentleness, humor, love and respect.
This process allows us to see our biological parents as the instruments of our existence. Our actual parent is a Higher Power whom some of us choose to call God. Although we had alcoholic or dysfunctional parents, our Higher Power gave us the Twelve Steps of Recovery.
This is the action and work that heals us: we use the Steps; we use the meetings; we use the telephone. We share our experience, strength, and hope with each other. We learn to restructure our sick thinking one day at a time. When we release our parents from responsibility for our actions today, we become free to make healthful decisions as actors, not reactors. We progress from hurting, to healing, to helping. We awaken to a sense of wholeness we never knew was possible.
By attending these meetings on a regular basis, you will come to see parental alcoholism or family dysfunction for what it is: a disease that infected you as a child and continues to affect you as an adult. You will learn to keep the focus on yourself in the here and now. You will take responsibility for your own life and supply your own parenting.
You will not do this alone. Look around you and you will see others who know how you feel. We love and encourage you no matter what. We ask you accept us just as we accept you.
This is a spiritual program based on action coming from love. We are sure that as the love grows inside you, you will see beautiful changes in all your relationships, especially with your Higher Power, yourself, and your parents.
The Twelve Steps and 12 Traditions
This meeting focuses on the traditions because they are the blueprint for how to have a healthy group. We also focus on the alternate 12 steps written by ACA co-founder Tony A. Though these steps are not listed in our Big Book, the spirit behind them is in the chapters dealing with the steps. (See Chapter 7 and pages 109 and 157.) In the interest of time, we don't read all the traditions and steps at every meeting. Each week, the reader chooses between reading the 12 traditions or one version of the 12 steps. (on separate sheet)
The Twelve Steps and 12 Traditions
This meeting focuses on the traditions because they are the blueprint for how to have a healthy group. We also focus on the alternate 12 steps written by ACA co-founder Tony A. Though these steps are not listed in our Big Book, the spirit behind them is in the chapters dealing with the steps. (See Chapter 7 and pages 109 and 157.) In the interest of time, we don't read all the traditions and steps at every meeting. Each week, the reader chooses between reading the 12 traditions or one version of the 12 steps. (on separate sheet)
The ACA program is not easy, but if you can handle what comes up at six consecutive meetings you will start to come out of denial. Confronting your denial about family addiction or dysfunction will give you freedom from the past. Your life will change. You will make friends and truly learn how to live with greater choice and personal freedom. You will learn to focus on yourself and let others be responsible for their own lives.
This is a speaker/lead share meeting. Our speaker will share his or her story for approximately 20 minutes. Afterward, the speaker will open the floor by initiating a tag meeting or by asking "who would like to share next?" * Sharing will continue until 8:20 p.m. At that time, a volunteer will read the promises of ACA and will lead us in a moment of silence followed by the Serenity Prayer. May we have a volunteer to read those promises and close the meeting at 8:20? *If the meeting is excessively large, the speaker may opt to have attendees break into smaller groups for sharing.
This is a new meeting so we are especially grateful for the 9th tradition which states that our groups as such, ought never be organized. Speakers may not be scheduled every week ahead of time. An open speaker spot on the schedule is the perfect opportunity for someone within the group to share his/her story with us. Such lead shares usually last for 10 to 20 minutes but can be much shorter. Even 3 minutes from the heart of a fellow traveler is enough to provide the topic and inspiration for other to share. Our stories heal.
If we have no speaker or lead sharer, we will read from ACA's foundational literature, "The Identity Papers" and share based on the reading. The Identity Papers are included in the ACA Text book. While we encourage members to buy the book, you do not need the book to participate in this meeting. We rely on Higher Power in the form of our group conscience to ultimately lead the course of each meeting. (Tradition 2)
Announcements, 7th Tradition and Welcoming Newcomers:
Now we will observe our 7th tradition which states we are fully self-supporting. We use these funds to pay rent to this facility, buy literature, and make donations to the ACA World Service Office. The suggested donation is two dollars and completely voluntary. (Page 599 in Big Red Book.)
Treasurers Report:
If you would like to sign up to be a speaker on a future date, please sign up on the calendar which will will pass around now. Also being passed is a phone list. if you are open to taking fellowship phone calls or emails, please include your information. This list will be emailed to all those who sign up. If you don't have email, please ask for a copy of the list.
This meeting will have a business meeting quarterly. If you have ideas for how to make the meeting more effective, questions about how things work or any other concerns, please plan to attend the next business meeting on Friday September 16, from 8:30 to 8:45. The agenda for the meeting will be sent to the meeting email list. If you want to add an item of business, please send an email to ourstoriesheal@gmail.com. The agenda is listed on this blog. We strive to keep business meetings short!
If anyone has any other ACA related announcements, please share them at this time.
If anyone here is new to ACA, would you introduce yourselves by first name? We don't want to embarrass you. We want welcome you, get to know you better and provide you with literature to help you understand the program. Any newcomers?
Safe Place
We want this meeting to be a safe place. What you hear at this meeting should remain at the meeting. We do not talk about another person's story or experiences to other people. Please respect the anonymity of those you see here tonight.
In ACA we do not cross talk, which means interrupting, referring to, or commenting on what another person has said during the meeting. We refrain from cross-talk because Adult Children come from family backgrounds where feelings and perceptions were judged as wrong or defective. In ACA, each person may share feelings and perceptions without fear of judgment. We accept without comment what others say because it is true for them. We work toward taking responsibility for own own lives rather than giving advice to others.
In ACA we do not touch, hug, or attempt to comfort others when they become emotional during a meeting. If someone begins to cry, we allow that person to feel without interruption. To touch or hug the person is known as "fixing." ( Even passing the tissues can interrupt feelings. Please do not do this unless the person sharing requests it.) We support one another with acceptance and listening to feelings.
Now its time to open the meeting. Do we have a scheduled speaker?
If not, who would like to be our lead sharer or reader?
This is a speaker/lead share meeting. Our speaker will share his or her story for approximately 20 minutes. Afterward, the speaker will open the floor by initiating a tag meeting or by asking "who would like to share next?" * Sharing will continue until 8:20 p.m. At that time, a volunteer will read the promises of ACA and will lead us in a moment of silence followed by the Serenity Prayer. May we have a volunteer to read those promises and close the meeting at 8:20? *If the meeting is excessively large, the speaker may opt to have attendees break into smaller groups for sharing.
This is a new meeting so we are especially grateful for the 9th tradition which states that our groups as such, ought never be organized. Speakers may not be scheduled every week ahead of time. An open speaker spot on the schedule is the perfect opportunity for someone within the group to share his/her story with us. Such lead shares usually last for 10 to 20 minutes but can be much shorter. Even 3 minutes from the heart of a fellow traveler is enough to provide the topic and inspiration for other to share. Our stories heal.
If we have no speaker or lead sharer, we will read from ACA's foundational literature, "The Identity Papers" and share based on the reading. The Identity Papers are included in the ACA Text book. While we encourage members to buy the book, you do not need the book to participate in this meeting. We rely on Higher Power in the form of our group conscience to ultimately lead the course of each meeting. (Tradition 2)
Announcements, 7th Tradition and Welcoming Newcomers:
Now we will observe our 7th tradition which states we are fully self-supporting. We use these funds to pay rent to this facility, buy literature, and make donations to the ACA World Service Office. The suggested donation is two dollars and completely voluntary. (Page 599 in Big Red Book.)
Treasurers Report:
If you would like to sign up to be a speaker on a future date, please sign up on the calendar which will will pass around now. Also being passed is a phone list. if you are open to taking fellowship phone calls or emails, please include your information. This list will be emailed to all those who sign up. If you don't have email, please ask for a copy of the list.
This meeting will have a business meeting quarterly. If you have ideas for how to make the meeting more effective, questions about how things work or any other concerns, please plan to attend the next business meeting on Friday September 16, from 8:30 to 8:45. The agenda for the meeting will be sent to the meeting email list. If you want to add an item of business, please send an email to ourstoriesheal@gmail.com. The agenda is listed on this blog. We strive to keep business meetings short!
If anyone has any other ACA related announcements, please share them at this time.
If anyone here is new to ACA, would you introduce yourselves by first name? We don't want to embarrass you. We want welcome you, get to know you better and provide you with literature to help you understand the program. Any newcomers?
Safe Place
We want this meeting to be a safe place. What you hear at this meeting should remain at the meeting. We do not talk about another person's story or experiences to other people. Please respect the anonymity of those you see here tonight.
In ACA we do not cross talk, which means interrupting, referring to, or commenting on what another person has said during the meeting. We refrain from cross-talk because Adult Children come from family backgrounds where feelings and perceptions were judged as wrong or defective. In ACA, each person may share feelings and perceptions without fear of judgment. We accept without comment what others say because it is true for them. We work toward taking responsibility for own own lives rather than giving advice to others.
In ACA we do not touch, hug, or attempt to comfort others when they become emotional during a meeting. If someone begins to cry, we allow that person to feel without interruption. To touch or hug the person is known as "fixing." ( Even passing the tissues can interrupt feelings. Please do not do this unless the person sharing requests it.) We support one another with acceptance and listening to feelings.
Now its time to open the meeting. Do we have a scheduled speaker?
If not, who would like to be our lead sharer or reader?
Thank you for your service to the Adult Child who still suffers. My group needs some good old-timer support like they have in AA. Would you consider creating a meeting that could be conducted there in Arizona as well as connecting a small group of newcomers here in San Diego, California via Video Teleconference?
ReplyDeleteOur group will be willing to cover all necessary expenses to set it up and keep it running... We have the money, but we lack the recovery that it seems your group has achieve. We want what you have and are willing to take certain steps to gain it. Your website really has impressed us and we would like your group to act as our "sponsor" so that we can be better. We desperately need to see ACA speaker meetings because it is impossible to hold a speaker meeting in an area filled with newcomers.
If you aren't able to commit, we appreciate your consideration.