One Last Appearance for Blog Monkey

Long time, no see you Friday Night Folks!  Blog Monkey has moved to North Carolina, but she has been asked to make a special announcement:

The Phoenix Intergroup has an awesome new website.  It really is beautiful and informative. See it here, then,  spread the word to anyone who needs a way to keep connected with Phoenix ACA Recovery.  They really did a swell job.

This blog needs a new monkey...just sayin...

...get support, guidance, instruction, and maybe even a laugh or two by re-committing to your recovery in ACA.  This program has many meetings, both in person and on the phone.  Browse this blog to find out more.  


For those of us who have been working this program awhile, we have lots to celebrate at the dawn of this new year.  


KEEP COMING BACK!


with much love, 
CJV, blog monkey extraordinaire, 2010-2011


I have loved doing this blog.  Thank you for indulging me.  I am turning it over to my HP now, for another trusted servant to pick up, or not.  


Self love to you all!!

Another Successful Business Meeting

We  had a successful business meeting last Friday.  Kudos to the 8 of us who attended and got through a full agenda in 25 minutes!  Woo Hoo!  Special thanks to KL for adding a festive touch by BRINGING THE BANANAS!  

December 16 Business Meeting Minutes

Item 1 


8 members present.  CJV was facilitator.  Opened meeting with Serenity Prayer.  JM volunteered as secretary and take notes.  Thank you JM for taking notes!  


Item 2
Meeting Structure and Organization:
Though we do not have the manpower to fill all positions, we did make some progress.

1. Meeting Manager (MM)  the person who signs for the keys and serves as the main contact for the church.  We need a backup MM.  JM fills the role currently  KK offered to add her name contingent on her reviewing the contract.  
2. Meeting Secretary-(MS) group voted at Sept. 16 business meeting to rotate this job.  Facilitators must have three months in ACA and sign up to lead the meeting for a month at a time.  KL will lead the meeting Dec. 23.  MG will lead Dec. 30.  KS will handle keys for January and other members like CJ and JM will assist her in leading.  Thank you all!
3. Meeting Treasurer:   ideally, we need a backup treasurer as well to allow us to open a meeting checking account.  KL is our current treasurer. thank you!   We have not found a backup treasurer yet. KL will begin giving monthly reports on our finances. Also discussed the group donating to WSO and Intergroup.  This is a goal of our meeting, but no action was taken.
4. Literature Manager:   the LM is responsible for any meeting books and handouts the group owns and provides to members. KD is our literature person.  She was not in attendance to confirm. KS volunteered to make copies of phone list and meeting format and to spend her own funds/donate the service.  Thank you KS!
5. Communications Coordinator:  the CC updates blog, runs business meetings, updates phone lists, contacts newcomers by email, takes newcomer calls because his/her number appears on the ACA WSO website, and if necessary, shares about the meeting in the community.    CJV did most of these jobs electronically, i.e. via the blog, emails, etc.  The next CC can eliminate the blog and do it all by paper.  It's up to the group and the volunteer who fills in when she steps down.  No one has taken the job officially, yet, but two people have shown interest.  CJ is stepping down effective Jan. 1, 2012.
6. Group Rep:  The GR attends the Phoenix Intergroup meetings and reports back to OSH.  So far, we have not had anyone fill this role.  

Discussed flexibility of roles and utilizing the  suggestions for trusted servants in the ACA handbook/red text to provide guidance as the meeting grows and changes. 

Item 3:  Utilizing the kitchen for a social "meeting after the meeting."  


A Proposal that I, the treasurer, KL begin a  minimum of a quarterly "meeting after the meeting" social time, directly after the group convenes that evening.  Emphasis will be on group cohesiveness, relationship growth, and further conversation beyond formal meeting constraints. This may include fun and self expression as we have an opportunity to enjoy recovery with our fellow travelers. We may alternate the "post meeting coordinator" as decided by group conscience in the meeting, per ACA guidelines. Continuation of the post meeting events are contingent on interest of group members. A budgeted amount of $10.00 per event for refreshments/beverages, with a one time additional $5.00 start-up cost to off-set basic supplies, would be needed from our bank. 


Action taken:  Meeting voted to approve $15 for treasurer to plan and hold the first OSH "meeting after the meeting."  She will announce a date during announcements time at an upcoming meeting.  Thank you KL!

Meeting adjourned at approx. 8:45.

             

Monkey Business

Are Ya Ready for A Business Meeting?

It will start at 8:35 p.m. this Friday Night, after our bodacious, normal, supportive, meeting.

Here's the Final Agenda:  

Item 1 


CJV is scheduled facilitator.  Open meeting with Serenity Prayer.  Need a volunteer to be secretary and take notes.  


Item 2
Meeting Structure and Organization:
As a new meeting, our structure has been somewhat informal.  The meeting's founder was carrying out most duties in her particular style.  In the past few months, others have stepped up, lending a new flavor to the meeting.  Currently, our officers are:

1. Meeting Manager (MM)  the person who signs for the keys and serves as the main contact for the church.  We need a backup MM.  JM fills the role currently
2. Meeting Secretary-(MS) group voted at Sept. 16 business meeting to rotate this job.  Facilitators must have three months in ACA and sign up to lead the meeting for a month at a time.
3. Meeting Treasurer:   ideally, we need a backup treasurer as well to allow us to open a meeting checking account.  KL is our current treasurer.
4. Literature Manager:   the LM is responsible for any meeting books and handouts the group owns and provides to members. KD is our literature person.
5. Communications Coordinator:  the CC updates blog, runs business meetings, updates phone lists, contacts newcomers by email, takes newcomer calls because his/her number appears on the ACA WSO website, and if necessary, shares about the meeting in the community.    CJV did most of these jobs electronically, i.e. via the blog, emails, etc.  The next CC can eliminate the blog and do it all by paper.  It's up to the group and the volunteer who fills in when she steps down.
6. Group Rep:  The GR attends the Phoenix Intergroup meetings and reports back to OSH.  So far, we have not had anyone fill this role.  

Action needed:  Fill the next three months secretary lineup, the backup MM, CC and GR positions, and restructure responsibilities as needed.

Item 3:  Utilizing the kitchen for a social "meeting after the meeting."  


A Proposal that I, the treasurer, K L, begin a  minimum of a quarterly "meeting after the meeting" social time, directly after the group convenes that evening.  Emphasis will be on group cohesiveness, relationship growth, and further conversation beyond formal meeting constraints. This may include fun and self expression as we have an opportunity to enjoy recovery with our fellow travelers. We may alternate the "post meeting coordinator" as decided by group conscience in the meeting, per ACA guidelines. Continuation of the post meeting events are contingent on interest of group members. A budgeted amount of $10.00 per event for refreshments/beverages, with a one time additional $5.00 start-up cost to off-set basic supplies, would be needed from our bank. 


Action needed:  take a vote 

Let's Use the Calendar!

Hey all,
you may have noticed that there is a "calender" tab on this blog.  Anyone can go to that calendar and post his/her birthday (recovery and otherwise), or other ACA related event.  Try it!  It would be fun to start celebrating birthdays (chips, anyone?) in our group.  But first, we need to know when the birthdays are!

Business Meeting Coming Up

Hello Everyone,

We have been having some wonderful meetings lately.  People have been reaching out, speakers have been volunteering, newcomers have been showing up, and old friends have been returning.  That's what's so awesome about ACA meetings...they are always there when you need them.

In order to make sure our Friday meeting keeps going, we have quarterly business meetings.  Our next meeting is scheduled for December 16 after the regular meeting.  That's...two weeks away.  The agenda is posted on the agenda page of this blog.  If you have something to add, please send an email to ourstoriesheal@gmail.com.  The agenda will be finalized on Friday, December 9 and sent out to everyone on the email list.

Thanks for being a part of your solution, and mine.  Keep Coming Back.

Grateful to Have a Program

When I was in High School, my sociology teacher challenged us to fast on Thanksgiving, rather than gorge ourselves.  My  mother would not allow it, but ever since then, I've taken an alternative view of Thanksgiving.

I've tried to make it about intangible things like...gratitude, (what a concept,) and peace.  As an adult child, my best Thanksgivings were spent alone, away from my family of origin.

This year, I have you all.  Real people struggling with and celebrating the big and small things in life.  Thank you for sharing your lives with me.  And whether you are having a Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving or, in a country that doesn't recognize Thanksgiving at all (like my husband is,)  I wish you a peaceful day.

See you Friday!
blog monkey

The Social Network Experiment

Hi Everyone,
I've been under the weather...in more ways than one these past few weeks.  I got my flu shot which put me into some flu symptoms for a short time.  AND I seem to have Seasonal Affective Disorder Symptoms.  When added to a psychological plate that is already full of ACA symptoms, I sometimes feel quite imbalanced indeed.

I've done all the things that are supposed to help...sunlight, exercise, good diet, and now, reaching out.  Its wonderful seeing all of you at meetings...but I'd love to connect with more of you in between.  Are you on Facebook?  Google +?  I don't Twitter yet, but I'm willing if some of you find it an amazing way to connect.

I just think it would be helpful to have a place online (where I spend my days at work) to hear how ya'll are doing and share my struggles and joys.

I already see some of you on Facebook where we've started and ACA "group".  If you want to join it, email me at ourstoriesheal@gmail.com.  I'll send you the link.  In the meantime, I hope you all are well and look forward to seeing you Friday!

sad blog monkey

Friday, October 21

We are the change we've been waiting for.

No, blog monkey isn't making a political statement. She knows tradition 10 forbids it: Adult Children of Alcoholics has no opinion on outside issues; hence the ACA name ought never be drawn into public controversy.

What she is saying is that our current President had a darned appropriate campaign slogan. After all, isn't what he said just another way of saying:

"The solution is to become your own loving parent"?

Blog Monkey has been struggling lately with extra anxiety and confusion. Knowing she is powerless over the effects of being raised in a dysfunctional environment, she is reaching out for a Higher Power and asking for clarity. Part of the answer she received is to slow down and take extra extra good care of herself. She can never hear that enough!

Instead of punishing herself for not feeling well (and therefore not getting everything done) she is remembering her suffering and making allowances for it. Instead of leading to self-pity, complaining and blaming, she is realizing that admitting her pain and talking gently to herself actually leads to more peace and happiness. Wow! ACA works.

If you are having an especially hard time this week, with the shorter days, with the approach of "The Holiday Season," know you are not alone. Go to your meetings. Call people on the phone list. They will be glad to hear from you! (If you need a phone list for the Friday Our Stories Heal Meeting, please email blog monkey at ourstoriesheal@gmail.com).

If you are doubting whether recovery is possible it and whether you, personally, can do it, remember those other words that helped our President get elected: YES WE CAN!

P.S. What's the story behind this Barak Obama Sock Monkey doll? Apparently its the idea that never was:

The Sock Obama doll was reportedly created by David and Elizabeth Lawson of West Jordan, Utah, as a way for citizens to show their support for various candidates. But the Lawsons said they were shocked by the anger and tone of the negative emails they received about their product.

TheSockObama Company initiallyblamed critics, who they said had "chosen to misinterpret our plush toy. It is not, nor has it ever been, our objective to hurt, dismay or anger anyone," the company said.

Acknowledging their own naiveté, the company said "we don't think in terms of myths, fables, fairy tales and folklore."

But civil rights leaders and others were offended by the product. Jeanetta Williams, president of a local Utah chapter of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, called the toy ''pure racism at its extreme.''

Under pressure, the Utah company pulled the toy from production and issued an apology on its web site. "We are very apologetic to all who were upset by our toy idea," the company said in its apology. "We will not be proceeding with the manufacturing of this toy."

The Utah company had contracted with Binkley Toys, a custom-toy manufacturer, to mass produce the doll, but the toy company itself was apparently caught off guard by the furor and did not realize the doll might cause offense. Company owner Rob Bishop said "my company is not just about 'dollars' and Binkley Toys Inc. prides itself on its social responsibility."

http://thedailyvoice.com/voice/2008/06/utah-company-canels-000759.php

A New Leader

Hi Everyone,

We've had great, fresh meetings these past few weeks with "J" in the lead. This week will we be re-invigorated cuz the leader's gonna change again. Help me welcome "K" to the helm by showing up Friday and sharing your feelings! How easy is that?

With much feeling,

your blog monkey

We Are the Champions

Hi everyone,


thanks for making the Friday night meeting a place where I can grow.  You are my champions, fighting for your lives, learning to have a happy childhood.  We all deserve one and it isn't too late.


Champion J spoke last week, encouraging us to banish self-doubt and self-hatred.  Champion special K timed us  and gave us one minute warnings with her sweet, bright orange sign.  This week should be even more fun and growth-producing since so many of you attended the Recovery Expo last Saturday.


I saw you...your little faces bright like flowers in a lawn of people I didn't know.   I didn't stay very long.   I was over-stimulated and a bit perplexed by the lack of resources for non-addicts, (those of us suffering from co-dependency, depression, etc...we need help and celebrity role models too!)  But I see a bright future...we, the champions, providing safe places for everyone-addict or not- to fall apart and put themselves back together.   


Look forward to seeing everyone Friday Night. 



warmly, your tea-drinkin' blog monkey, CJ

Ch-ch-ch...changes!

Hi everyone,


we had a great speaker last week, and a productive business meeting.  Lots has changed:


J is the group rep and manger and the September facilitator
K is the group treasurer
the other K is literature person
yet another K will is the October facilitator


The role of meeting facilitator will change monthly.  


Staying the same is the time, location and format (for now...the meeting can always adjust things as it sees fit.)  And I, CJ, remain the blog monkey, attempting to spread the word about this great group of people known as Friday ACA/Our Stories Heal.


On tap for this week...who knows?  J is in charge.  Surprises are good, right?  We hope you can be patient as the meeting wobbles toward its bigger, better self.  Please keep coming back.  You are needed and appreciated and your ideas matter.  


If you are reading this, please let us know by taking the poll to the right.  Though our groups ought never be organized, we do strive to be effective!  


See you tomorrow!
blog monkey

Retreat Weekend

For those of you going on the retreat, we wish you a wonderful weekend!  You will love Mingus Mountain, the food, the weather, and the fellowship.  It should be relaxing since you will be focusing on "Back to Basics."   We look forward to hearing all about it.


If you are not going on retreat, we hope to see you at the meeting Friday.  We will be meeting as usual, 7 p.m.  We too, will focus on "Back to Basics," by reading "ACA and How it Works."  


Everyone, have a safe weekend and remember the solution is to become your own loving parent!

Friday is Open

Hi Everyone,


Don't know how many of you will be around this Labor Day Weekend, but if you are, hope to see you at the meeting!  


We've undergone some changes that will be voted on Sept. 16, but in the meantime, we will follow the standard script and read from the identity papers.  That is, unless someone would like to share a bit of his or her story to spark the sharing time.


Either way, take good care of you...be your own loving parent...get support.


CJV

New Format Proposed: To be voted on at next business meeting, September 16, 2011

Friday Night ACA Meeting - Facilitator Script
Welcome to "Our Stories Heal," a group of Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families, My name is _______ and I am the designated leader for tonight's meeting.
We came to ACA for a variety of reasons, often because of relationship or workplace issues. We realized that we received damaging and dismissive messages as children such as: "don't talk," "don't trust," "don't feel," "you're not enough," "always be strong," "do more," and "be perfect."
We were shamed by parents or other caretakers who were emotionally unavailable. Shame blinds us to the love that is inside each of us waiting to be discovered.* At ACA, we gather in a non-shaming way to share our experiences, insights, humor, and hope in recovery. Join us as we open doors to the inner child and the true self.
Will you please join me in a moment of silence followed by The Serenity Prayer.
Before we continue, are there members who are new to ACA? Please raise your hand in order that we may welcome you.
(Facilitator: Say the following only if new members are present:) Welcome to ACA. You just took the most difficult step of the program---you showed up. We hope this will be a safe place for you. Would ACA members whose life has improved since they have been in the program raise their hands? ACA works.
We have newcomer's literature. You are under no obligation to speak but feel free to share when it is your turn.
(Facilitator: Ask someone to read the Laundry List or Problem if newcomers present or if you think the group desires a review.)
Who would like to read?
We will now read the actions that help a person recover, AKA The Solution to the Problem. May I have a volunteer to read the Solution?
The Solution: The solution is to become you own loving parent. As ACA becomes a safe place for you, you will find freedom to express all the hurts and fears that you have kept inside and to free yourself from the shame and blame that are carry-overs from the past. You will become an adult who is imprisoned no longer by childhood reactions. You will recover the child within you, learning to love and accept yourself.
The healing begins when we risk moving out of isolation. Feelings and buried memories will return. By gradually releasing the burden of unexpressed grief, we slowly move out of the past. We learn to re-parent ourselves with gentleness, humor, love, and respect.
This process allows us to see our biological parents as the instruments of our existence. Our actual parent is a Higher Power whom some of us choose to call God. Although we had alcoholic or dysfunctional parents, our Higher Power gave us the Twelve Steps of Recovery.
This is the action and work that heals us: we use the Steps; we use the Meetings; we use the telephone, we use the blog and other forms of interactive dialogue. We share our experience, strength, and hope with each other. We learn to restructure our impaired thinking one day at a time. When we release our parents from responsibility for our actions today, we become free to make healthful decisions as actors, not reactors. We progress from hurting, to healing, to helping. We awaken to a sense of wholeness we never knew was possible.
We become emotionally sober. Emotional sobriety involves a changed relationship with self and others. We measure emotional sobriety by the level of honesty, mutual respect, and the acceptability of feelings in our relationships. Emotional sobriety means that we are involved in changed relationships that are safe and honest. We feel a nearness to our Higher Power. We cultivate emotional sobriety through the Twelve Steps and through association with other recovering adult children.**
By attending these meetings on a regular basis, you will come to see parental alcoholism or family dysfunction for what it is: a disease that infected you as a child and continues to affect you as an adult. You will learn to keep the focus on yourself in the here and now. You will take responsibility for your own life and supply your own parenting.
You will not do this alone. Look around you and you will see others who know how you feel. We will love and encourage you no matter what. We ask you to accept us just as we accept you.
This is a spiritual program based on action coming from love. We are sure that as the love grows inside you, you will see beautiful changes in all your relationships, especially with God, yourself, and your parents.
*****
We will now read the 12-steps and the tradition of the month, followed by the 12th tradition. (Even numbered days, ACA's Twelve steps, Odd numbered days, Tony A's 12 steps.) Who would like to read the steps? Who would like to read the tradition of the month and the 12th tradition?
Safe Place: We want this meeting be a safe place. What you hear at this meeting should remain at this meeting. We do not talk about another person's story or experiences to other people. Please respect the anonymity of those you see here tonight.
In ACA, we do not cross talk. Cross talk means interrupting, referring to, or commenting on what another person has said during the meeting. We refrain from cross talk because Adult Children came from family backgrounds where feelings and perceptions were judged as wrong or defective. In ACA, each person may share feelings and perceptions without fear of judgment. We accept without comment what others say because it is TRUE FOR THEM. We work toward taking responsibility for our own lives, rather than giving advice to others.
In ACA, we do not touch, hug, or attempt to comfort others when they become emotional during a meeting. If someone begins to cry, we allow that person to feel without interruption. To touch or hug or offer tissues interrupts someone's process. We support one another by listening and accepting the feelings that arise.
(Facilitator Has Four Choices)
A) Introduce a topic by telling a bit of one's own story. Script to go something like this: I want to tell you a little bit about my story. Afterward, I will pick a topic for discussion.. The topic I would like for us to talk about is this: _________. You can talk about this topic or anything else you would like to talk about. Or you may pass.
B) Read a meditation from the meditation book, selecting a topic for dialogue. Script goes something like this: I will read from__________and comment on it. Then we will go around and share what comes up for us or whatever else you would like to share. Or you may pass.
C) Read a selection from the Red Book and reflect upon it. Script goes something like this: I have selected a portion of the red book to read from. Please follow along if you would like. Then we will go around and share what comes up for us or whatever else you would like to share. Or you may pass.
D) Read a selection from the Steps Workbook and reflect upon it. Script goes something like this: Tonight I want to read from the 12 Steps Workbook. Please follow along if you would care to. I will comment first and you can respond in any way that you like on the subject or on anything else that you would like to speak about. Or you may pass.
Facilitator then chooses how sharing will take place. Choices include: A) Going around the circle in order. B) Allowing people to share when they are so moved, popcorn style. C) Splitting the group, by numbering off. D) Tagging the next person.
We will start sharing by: eg., going around the circle to the left. Since we want to give everyone a chance to share and also be able to close on time, each person needs to keep their sharing to x minutes. At 8:20, we will break for announcements and begin the closing by reading the ACA Promises.
(Calculate the time remaining. Divide by number of people present. Encourage the time rule by letting people know that the person has 1 minute left for share time. This can be done quite gently by holding up an index finger for the person sharing to see.)
Who wants to start? (If no one jumps in, consider being willing to begin sharing or wait.)
Closing: At approximately 8:15, consider saying: Is there any person who would like to share but did not get a chance to do so?
At approximately 8:20 or 8:25, say:
That is all the time we have for sharing. Now we need to observe the 7th tradition which states that "Every ACA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions."
Are there any ACA announcements? Our next business meeting will be held on ______________. It will be brief, lasting 15 minutes. You can submit agenda items to the blog or to Melanie or Colleen. You can read and retrieve agenda items from the blog as well.
Let us now read the ACA Promises. (Optional?) Would someone volunteer to read the Promises?
We will close our meeting with our final prayer based on the Promise of the Month.
January: Higher Power, help us discover real identities by learning to love and accept ourselves.
February: Higher Power, help us strengthen our self-esteem as we give ourselves approval on a daily basis.
March: Higher Power, help us release our fear of authority figures. Help us release the need to "people-please.
April: Higher Power, help us grow inside us our ability to share intimacy.
May: Higher Power, help us face our abandonment issues. Help us become attracted by strengths and become more tolerant of weaknesses.
June: Higher Power, help us enjoy feeling stable, peaceful, and financially secure.
July: Higher Power, help us learn to play and have fun in our lives.
August: Higher Power, help us choose to love people who can love and be responsible for themselves.
September: Higher Power, help us come to know the ease of setting healthy boundaries and limits.
October: Higher Power, help us come to know that, as we intuitively make healthier choices, fear of failure and success will leave us.
November: Higher Power, help us slowly release our dysfunctional behaviors with help from our ACA support group.
December: Higher Power, help us learn to expect the best and get it.
*ACA 12-step Workbook, pg. 82.
**ACA 12-step Workbook, Introduction---What Does ACA Recovery Look Like?
Prospective script and format written by Melanie and Colleen, August, 2011, to be voted on for adoption at September meeting by group members.

Old Business, New Business

The retreat's coming up in a few weeks. I hope lots of you go and really enjoy it!

The week AFTER the retreat is our business meeting.  We have several items to discuss.  Stay tuned to the blog for a complete agenda.  If you want to add something to the agenda, email ourstoriesheal@gmail.com  The agenda will close September 1.

This week, we will try out a proposed new format for our meeting.  It's shorter and includes input from several of our members.  We hope it will make the meeting even better!

MSG  will be leading us this week.  We look forward to that!

See you Friday!

The Importance of Service

Thank you, "K" for stepping up to take the meeting this week.  On tap is the reading we were scheduled to read last week..."The Importance of Service."  We postponed it because we had a member volunteer to be our speaker.  It was a great meeting.  We talked about what we wanted to change.  Thanks to our "surprise" speaker!


Hope everyone is having a great week and that you have a great meeting on Friday.

August 5 Plans

Hi Everyone,


It kinda feels like we live in a swamp these days...high humidity...high pollution...high heat...and lots of dust.  It can be hard for me to keep my "attitude of gratitude" sometimes.  Sometimes I just don't want to do the things I've committed to.  


I love ACA because I can be honest.  I so appreciate each and every one of you who comes to this meeting on Fridays.  Even though I can hardly breathe  in this weather, I WANT to be at the meeting because others were there for me when I needed it.  I get an average of one call a week from  newcomers inquiring about the meeting.  I want to do my part so ACA is always there for them when they walk through that door.


I look forward to seeing you all tomorrow.  We will be reading "The Importance of Service."  

Hi OSH-ers. Lots of exciting things on the near horizon. This week we plan to take a group conscience about what we read.

Powerlessness

Last Friday, Kathy demonstrated Step One for us...we admitted we were powerless over the effects of being raised in a dysfunctional home...

Fanny wanted to make sure Kathy was OK...

"I'm fine, Fanny, thanks!"  

Fanny admits she is powerless.  Good girl, Fanny!

Fanny says she misses certain people..."A" and "R" and "P" and "V" and "S" and "J"  and the other "A" and "K" and "M".  

We miss you too.  Hopefully, you are all on vacation is wonderful, cool, places.  Keep taking care of yourselves and we'll see you when you get back!